20 Predicitons for Year 2020 (part 1 of 2)

I promised someone, DT Undacova (like in the Slick Rick "Bedtime Story"), a long time ago I would write out my predictions for the future...

America 2020:

1. President McCain, having finally learned how to play politics at the age of 95, will tout his record of no bridge collapses under his watch, thus claiming America has been a much safer country under his watch. He will also institute stricter regulations on elevator safety after dozens are killed across the country when all elevator inspection money is diverted to the bridge safety fund.

2. The Army of the Twelve Monkeys will be thwarted thanks to that guy that snuck the monkey into America in his ponytail. You don't fool the fool again, or whatever Bush said.

3. Barry Bonds will hit home run 1200, looking bigger than ever and crediting his longevity to flaxseed oil.

4. Al Jefferson will retire as the savior of Minnesota (seriously). He's going to have more moves than ex-lax to paraphrase the Basketball Jones song.

5. In an attempt to raise money and make itself relevant in the modern era, the Catholic Church will parlay Bingo Nights all around the country into the nations largest chain of casinos, becoming the Walmart of gambling and forcing Mom and Pop billionaire casino owners to fold.

6. Surprising everyone, New York traffic jams will become a thing of the past. People will stop commuting and brick and mortar businesses will begin to disappear in favor of businesses on-line.

7. Women across America will only need fifty pairs of shoes each, as color changing leather technology will be perfected. It will take them twice as long to get ready for anything as they will have a difficult time choosing that perfect color.

8. I will buy what I believe will be the last television I ever need. The next day, the technology will be obsolete and incompatible with the new satellite system.

9. Nicola Tesla's heirs will successfully sue Thomas Edison's heirs to admit the only reason he was more successful than Tesla was he had the world's greatest marketing campaign.

10. In a stunning nativist movement, the country will attempt to outlaw Spanish speaking, only to make it more popular than ever among angst filled teens who begin underground Spanish clubs even though they wouldn't have paid attention in Spanish class if it had remained legal.